My Thoughts...One Year Later

Wow! I can't believe how time flies. The past year has gone so quickly. It's hard to think of myself one year ago and think that we are the same person. I think challenges in life change you so much that yes, although I am that same person I feel like I have learned and grown so much that maybe that girl that walked into a German hospital one year ago walked out a different person. Having Berlyn changed me in so many ways for the better. I have learned that even though life throws a few curve balls we can decide how we are going to take them and what our attitude will be. My choice is to love and take care of this little girl to the best of my abilities, and yes she may take longer to do certain things, but I am ok with that.

Often people ask me, "Oh she is one year!! Is she walking?" To which I reply, "No but she will eventually."  Then they usually ask "Is she crawling?" And I say, "Nope not yet, but she will." We don't know when but SHE WILL. That is all that matters. I long for the day that she will look into my face and call me "Mama." She hasn't yet, but SHE WILL. Nick and I will sit in the living room at night and say "Berlyn, this is Mama. Berlyn this is Daddy." I can't wait for the day to hear those words. So I am learning to be patient. It is hard and I wish so badly that I could just show her and she would do it. But it hastn't happened yet. She will do things in her own time. I am so glad that the Lord and Berlyn chose our family to take care of her. We will learn along with her and that is OK.

I finally went back to the hospital where she was born. After the two weeks in the NICU and Avree having a concussion shortly after Berlyn came home. I swore I would never go back again. I didn't even go to my 6 week checkup because I couldn't bear the thought of going back. Our friends little boy is in the same hospital and so we went to visit them this week. Just the smell of the place brought so many emotions back. I thought I would break down but I didn't and I just had this calm feeling that everything is the way it should be and life is GOOD!

I have my bad days of course. The days when I wonder 'is that person staring at her because she is cute, or are they staring because she has Down Syndrome.' Or the days when I think that she is never going to hit her next milestone. Being around babies that are her age or younger and seeing that they are crawling, walking, etc. I catch myself comparing her to them and I shouldn't, but as a mom I think you can't help it. You always want your child to be doing things at the same time as their peers. But I just try to tell myself that I will just get to enjoy each stage a little longer. And I am enjoying her so much. So why not wait a little longer, right!

So...Berlyn is sitting up on her own. She lays on her stomach and will turn in circles to grab at toys. She pushes up and does her 'seal stretch' ( puts her head all the way back almost touching her back) a lot. She will try to scoot on her belly and we are working at kneeling and pushing up at the same time. She doesn't care for this too much. Which is why crawling may be a ways off. She also doesn't like to put much weight on her legs. So we got her a walker for her birthday and she does like the jumperoo. Hopefully that will get her used to putting weight on her legs a bit more. So walking may take a bit longer too.

Avree started school this week. And Kason starts next week. I now have a third grader, and a Kindergartener. Which makes me feel really old! We have also started soccer again and gymnastics will start in a few weeks. So life has gotten crazy, but that's how we like it RIGHT!!

I will have to add pics later! My computer is being so SLOW!!