Where to start...where to start. I have had so many people ask about Berlyn and her circumstances for being in the NICU that I thought I would just blog about it and let you all read her story for yourself.
Monday was a beautiful, hot day here in Germany. We had been told by the doctors to be at the hospital between eight and eight thirty for my induction. Avree and Kason had stayed at the Thompson's house Sunday night so that we could just get up and go to the hospital. We were so excited and nervous. We arrived at the hospital around eight thirty and headed for Labor and Delivery. The floor was pretty quiet and that was a good sign, since I was not in active labor we worried that they would send me home if they were full.
We got settled in and Nick went to register me downstairs with the hospital while the doctors decided what method to induce with. They had a few options and weren't sure the best way to go about it. They came in about nine thirty and decided to have me drink "the cocktail". Or that's what they were calling it. Basically it is a mixture of apricot juice, castor oil and non-alchoholic champagne...ugh. Pretty nasty! It tasted like rotten peaches with oil in it. So they sent us on our way and said to drink "the cocktail" and to come back around eleven or before if I was having any contractions. So we walked a little and played the ipad a little and were basically just killing time. Ugh!! I was having some contractions but nothing that was too painful. Mostly just a tight belly and nothing else. So around eleven we headed back hoping to get things going. Sandra our first midwife came in to monitor the baby and the contractions. I was having contractions but only one that was even big. So the Doctors came back in and were going to send me upstairs to the maternity ward where my room was to see if my body would naturally keep contracting and go into active labor, through the night!! Thank goodness for Nick and his impatience because he stepped right in and just asked them to put me on pitocin. Which was what we really wanted in the first place. The doctor didn't really like it and asked us if we were "very impatient" which we were!! Anyway they hooked me up to the IV and things got going finally. The contractions were pretty regular and I wasn't in hardly any pain! We were watching Despicable Me and around two-thirty my water broke!! All on it's own! That was a first. The midwife, Dauneta who had just came on shift was laughing and kept saying that we were "schwimmen." There was so much water! Everywhere. And each time Berlyn would move there was more! We knew that once my water broke it would go very fast so we asked for them to come and get my epidural in ASAP. The anesthesiologist came very quickly and got me all hooked up. They don't give you continuous medicine through the epidural here it is one syringe at a time, so my first syringe took about ten to fifteen minutes to work and was awesome!! I could relax and felt soo good. By that time I was dialated to a five or six and everything was moving along very smoothly. Maybe a little too smoothly! Ha ha. So about two hours went by and the first syringe started wearing off and I was getting nervous that the pain would be unbearable. So I asked for more medicine because I knew the pushing was coming and did not want to feel it all. The midwife gave me more medicine but not as much this time! As I waited for the medicine to kick in I knew that it wasn't enough! My whole right side was numb and the left side I could feel everything! Soo painful. And Berlyn's face was pushing into my left side also! So I asked again for more medicine but they wanted to check me first because I was feeling a lot of pressure to push. And sure enough it was time!! There was no time for more epidural. Doctor Gunther said to just push through the pain! Ugh!! So push we did!! And it was on! Three pushes and a big fist push on my stomach by Dr. Gunther and our little princess was here!! Berlyn was born at 6:15 p.m. She weighed 6 pounds 7 ounces and was 17 inches long!!
This is where life changed for us in an instant....
It was very quiet in the room. Berlyn was not crying and everything was still. No running around, no chaos. Like my other two births had been. Nick asked if she was ok probably ten times and so did I. And everyone was reassuring us that she was fine, but we knew then something was wrong. The cord had been wrapped around her neck very tight which we didn't know so they cut it quickly and set Berlyn on my chest. I looked at the most beautiful little baby for a few seconds. I noticed she looked very pale and tiny and I was so enthralled with her that I didn't notice what everyone else around me surely knew. Even Nick asked "Does she have something wrong with her." I didn't see anything but this perfect little person that I had been connected to and loved for nine months. The pediatricians came in quickly and she was gone. Pretty soon after that we knew that there must be something wrong or they wouldn't have taken her so quickly upstairs and not let us hold her or see her. They got me all cleaned up and changed into a new bed and wheeled me down the hall to another room. Nick and I were just chatting and wondering what was going on. Then the two midwives and doctor came into our room. The three ladies shuffled in and from the look on their faces I knew something was wrong. In broken English the doctor proceeded to tell me that the pediatricians were "suspecting" that Berlyn had Downs Syndrome. I was in total shock. So many questions went through my head. I felt like I was spinning. You can't prepare yourself for something like that. I could not even talk. I was so bewildered that I had had two ultrasounds every week for pretty much my whole pregnancy and no one had seen this coming. I went through every emotion that there is. From hurt, to anger, to total sadness, and then to joy and back again. The doctors filed out of the room and Nick and I just stared at each other! Our lives had just changed forever. We didn't know what to think. Then Nick was determined that he go and see her. They told us that they were doing tests on her and that we couldn't see her until eight o clock. We were just sitting there in shock. We knew that life would be different. That everything had changed.
It's all a bit fuzzy from here. So many things were happening and numbers being thrown at us. And going from one room to another, topped off by being soo tired from the birth. They took me upstairs in my wheelchair to see her. She was in an isolette with blue lights on for the Bilirubin levels that were too high. She had tiny little sunglasses on and you couldn't see much of her face. Tubes in her head, foot and belly. Whoa! Not what I was expecting. I guess I thought that since her levels were good up until birth that she would not have to have any transfusions. The pediatricians had us sign some permission papers to give her a transfusion because her Bilirubin levels were very high. Basically because of the Anti D in my blood her blood had very few red blood cells and they were not sure if she could produce enough on her own. They wanted to do a blood exchange. Which basically means they exchange her blood for all new blood with lots of red blood cells. So we signed the papers and were told that they were planning on doing the exchange that night. There was nothing else for us to do but wait.
We were exhausted both mentally and physically and headed back to our room in the maternity ward for the night. Now in Germany a maternity ward is not the same as in the states. There are two and sometimes threee women assigned to a room here. Luckily my room had cleared out for the night so it was just Nick and I there. We chatted with our friend Kyle who had brought me a Dr. Pepper and some awesome treats! It was great to have a friend and a hug! They had brought Nick a bed to sleep in and we settled down to try and sleep. It was very hard lying there not knowing how our sweet baby was. Not either of us slept at all and the sounds of babies crying through the night did not help. Long night to say the least. The next morning we waited and were anxious to get to the NICU to see her. We headed down about eight and were promptly told that visiting hours even for parents did not start until nine! Ugh! So we went back to the room and waited. During this time one of the young nurses brought a baby in a bassinet into our room, I thought just for a second that maybe it was my baby! She looked at us both then turned around promptly and left. This brought so many emotions to me all at once. Thoughts raced through my mind. Why couldn't that have been my baby? Why do all of these other women get to have their babies and hold them and I have to sit here and wait? Why does my baby have Downs Syndrome? Why can't she just be healthy? The tears just flowed for a while. No one can understand what you are going through as a mom. My thoughts were overcome with all of this. We talked a little and cried together. Then quickly headed to the NICU at nine.
There she was. The most beautiful baby under her blue lights and all of those thoughts and anger went away. It is the most peaceful feeling to be around her. She brings me so much joy that everything else seems to fade. She is perfect in every way in my eyes. To the world she may look different, but to me she couldn't be more perfect! I am so lucky to be her mom. I get to raise one of the most choice spirits of our Heavenly Father.
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