Heart Ache

I have found that blogging is great therapy for me. So I will just give you all a little update on Berlyn. We haven't seen a cardiologist yet but will in the near future. The two holes in her heart are not critical right now but over time will over work her heart. So she will have to have surgery eventually but not until she is a little older. The one hole is small enough that they believe it will close on it's own, but the other is quite a bit bigger. So we will see a cardiologist and hopefully he will be able to tell us.

The last few weeks have been so nice having her home and just being with her all day while the kids are at school. I just hold her and stare at her a lot of the time. I do have my days that are hard. I have a lot of questions about the future. I wonder about her future mostly. I wonder how high functioning she will be? How long it will take her to sit up or walk or be potty trained? I wonder if she will get teased? I wonder if she will have physical problems? I wonder if her heart will be ok?  I wonder if she will date or ever get married? There are so many things that I just don't know right now and I have a hard time dealing with that. I used to feel so in control of my life and what happened and now it's so hard to let go and just know that our Heavenly Father knows and that he will take care of us no matter what. I just need to trust in Him.

We had another visit to the hospital this weekend. Avree fell at her soccer game and was right by the ball when she fell. She got kicked in the head. She was fine right after but when we came home she started to act very strange. She couldn't hold a cup, she was speaking very slowly and slurring her speech and she started to throw up. So Nick took her to the hospital in Trier. I waited at the house and it was all that I could do not to go there. I waited for him to call and he did about an hour and a half later. They admitted her for the night and watched her very closely. So I went to stay with her through the night. It was good to have that time with her. I think that since we had Berlyn both kids have needed some extra attention. So we had a little girls night in the hospital. Although those were not the circumstances I would have liked, it was still good to spend one on one time with Av. She is such a fun little girl and growing up so fast. She is an amazing big sister and always so willing to help with whatever I ask her. As I layed there in the hospital I couln't imagine life without her. I prayed that all would be well. I had a very calm feeling that she would be ok, but I knew that I couldn't take much more stress. I think when it rains it pours sometimes. Life throws us some curve balls and I felt like I had had my fair share for a while! When Av woke up she said she felt really good. I was so relieved. I was so grateful that she felt good and that she would be ok.

All of these things have really made me focus on what is important in this life. My husband and my children are so important to me and I love them so much. I hope that I can be the best wife and mom to them. I know that if I continue to do what is right that the Lord will bless us. And He has already so much in the last nine months!! I am so happy to be here and to have these special people in my life!